Public Service Announcement

Have you heard the good news?
Huh?!
He has risen!
Ok…, wait, what?
Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior has risen after three days!


Seeing as I like a good zombie story, I just can’t refrain from thinking about certain aspects of reviving after three days.

  1. He must have smelled incredibly putrid: decomposing flesh and Middle East don’t mix.
  2. Did he stretch properly after getting up? A firm stretching of the quads and hamstrings are vital to a good posture.
  3. Being wrapped in a blanket might save you from ants and spiders, but I’m pretty sure it won’t ward off pissed off giant centipedes and scorpions whose cave you’ve randomly claimed. Creepy crawlies hold grudges.
  4. Instead of calming down the lamenting women, hugging the people that have shanked you in the back and doing ‘the right thing’, I would get out that cave, rip some of my sheets to shreds and make a cool Rambo-like bandana. Secondly I would think of a good catch phrase to go with my look, something like ‘Resurrect this, bitch’.  Third, I would sneak up on all those Romans and backstabbing so called friends and make them feel my wrath, Son of God-style. Deus ex Machinegun.

Whether you are remembering the Second Coming or just eating tons of chocolate and petting fluffy bunnies: today is day of celebration.  So grab a cold one, have some snacks and enjoy the otherwise lazy Sunday.

I´m out,

M.

 


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